In my twenties I lived in Chicago and flew home to Connecticut only once for Thanksgiving (so that I could attend my 5-year high school reunion which was ill-advised). Being a plane ride away meant I couldn’t afford to come home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. So for 7 years, my Thanksgivings were whatever I wanted them to be, a scary but ultimately liberating practice for a person who had previously celebrated by the book — with a big family, a home-cooked meal, and an aunt who makes phenomenal pies.
That first year “alone,” only 2 months after moving to…
by Ali Kelley, Danielle Kraese, Kate Herzlin, and Ysabel Yates
“The detection of a gas in the planet’s atmosphere could turn scientists’ gaze to a planet long overlooked in the search for extraterrestrial life.” — Life on Venus? Astronomers See a Signal in Its Clouds. New York Times. 9/14/2020
They’ve been largely overlooked by science.
Everyone makes a big deal when they produce gas.
People are constantly judging their ability to nurture human life.
They’re under an immense amount of pressure, the kind that would crush a man instantly.
Societies have historically spent way too much time tracking their every…
2. I know I’m a grown adult and I shouldn’t be scared to go to work, but somewhere it’s Sunday night.
3. Oh, you’re planning on wearing white to my wedding? I know I don’t have the congressional authority, but I’m declaring war. It’s 0:500 hours somewhere.
4. I respect that we’re at this memorial service for your grandpa, but I need to watch a primetime, procedural drama. It’s 8/7 central somewhere!
5. Despite how unflattering they are, I’m going to buy these low-rise jeans. …
I’ve always said you should live with someone before marrying them, but I never advocated for an indefinite quarantine. I am not a monster or a reality show producer. But for the past three weeks, every couple that lives together has been put to the test. (And every couple that lives together and has kids should qualify for sainthood).
The only difference now between the married couples and the unmarried couples who live together, is that the married couples (myself included) already made our vows. And under the most trying of circumstances, we are doing our best to uphold them…
1. Going outside with wet hair will make you catch a cold that you won’t be able to treat until your insurance premium goes down.
2. If you swallow gum it will stay in your stomach for the length of time it takes you to find an in-network gastroenterologist: 7 years.
3. It’s bad luck to open an umbrella inside the waiting room of your gastroenterologist’s office.
4. You should wait an hour after eating before opening the bill from your gastroenterologist visit.
5. The white spots on your fingernails are due to your lying about completing Whole30.
Hate that you’re constantly getting blamed for wrecking the plumbing with your tampons and sanitary napkins? Don’t let an accusatory, Word Art poster in the women’s bathroom reduce you to a tired stereotype.
It’s 2017 and NEWS FLASH: Not all women use their feminine hygiene products to clog the toilet. Some of us are clogging toilets with our Teenie Beanie Babies collection, for example. Here are some other inventive items you can use to clog the toilet and help reclaim your toilet identity!
1. A 44-disc box set of the complete Frasier series. If you’re afraid you’re coming off as…
Editor’s note: This is a Belladonna #TBT post, where we resurface old favorites that are just as hilariously relevant today.
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Global warming is the single greatest threat facing our planet. But in Medium’s new publication, “Weather/Wither,” we’re exclusively focusing on the inane weather conversations that define the American work experience and make you want to die inside. We’re not interested in reported features on Norway’s melting ice caps or the vanishing Adelie penguin population in Antarctica. But we are eager to hear literal tired takes on how the rain outside is making you sleepy and this heatwave is zapping you of all your energy.
Constant cyber attacks, identity fraud, government wiretapping. Privacy concerns in 2019 are at an all-time high…
Written By Rosamund Lannin and Ali Kelley
On a crisp morning in November, Anna debuted her new winter staple — a beautiful suede swing coat with faux fur collar. She had spent her summer working double shifts at Mulligans to save up enough money to purchase the coat. Proud of her purchase, she posted a photo to Instagram. Her friend Greta left a comment, “Gorg! I’m going to have borrow that from you ASAP!” Anna DM’d Greta shortly after, “Girl, you know I can’t let you borrow this coat. I gave up my summer to afford it and I’m never…
Thanks so much for agreeing to watch my apartment while I’m out of town. You’re such a great friend! I just need you to stop by once a day, twice if you’re in the neighborhood, which you won’t be because my apartment building is an industrial park 5 miles from the last stop on the train. So feel free to crash at my place all week! I’ve left one can of seltzer and an expired jar of olives in the fridge, help yourself.
You will need 4 keys to enter the apartment. The key ring I’m giving you…