Nursery Rhyme or Things Heard on a Police Scanner on St. Patrick’s Day?

1. The old man is snoring. He got into bed and bumped his head and couldn’t get up this morning.

2. Humpty Dumpty was on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

3. Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep, says she doesn’t know where to find them.

4. Mary had a little lamb she can’t locate. Animal control called.

5. Did you see a Lassie go this way and that?

6. The wheels on the trolley bus won’t stop spinning.

7. London Bridge is about to collapse. Please send backup.

8. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.

9. The cars are being tipped. The cars are being flipped.

10. Three blind mice found in the kitchen at O’Reilly’s. Health Inspector called.

11. There is an old woman, claims she lives in a shoe with so many children she doesn’t know what to do. DCF called.

12. It’s a-tisket, a-tasket, a green and yellow basket? Fuck if I know.

Nursery Rhyme: 2, 5

Police Scanner: 6, 9, 10, 11, 12

Both: 1, 3, 4, 7, 8

Brooklyn-based writer raised in the Connecticut suburbs. Words at Slate, Washington Post, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency / https://alikelley.com/

Brooklyn-based writer raised in the Connecticut suburbs. Words at Slate, Washington Post, McSweeney’s Internet Tendency / https://alikelley.com/